Sleepless Nights

Monday, 2004-03-01; 02:57:00


Dammit! Why is this happening to me at the end of the quarter? Why does this have to happen when I need it not to happen the most? Why are these nights hell-bent on making me tired during the week?

This is the third night in a week that I just can't seem to get to sleep. I was in bed for an hour and a half with the lights off and my eyes closed before I finally got fed up and got up again. I fucking know I'm tired -- I fell asleep doing my chemistry homework! I just can't seem to get to sleep when I want to.

This really sucks because this week is going to be very hectic. Having it happen last week was already really bad, since I wasn't in tip-top shape for my meeting with some people at the USGS on Tuesday, and I wasn't at my best at the meeting with my advisor about summer research. Those were probably the two times when I needed to be at my best -- I could care less about sleeping in class because I basically do it anyway.

Not only did my bouts of sleeplessness come during a busy week, but they also fell on the worst days last week -- Monday and Wednesday night, precisely the nights when I needed to get up at 7:30 the next morning to get to my 8:30 AM geochem class. Tuesday morning I got to sleep at around 5, and I woke up at 8:50... I had to quickly take a shower and get dressed and go into class because I had scheduled a meeting with the professor afterwards. (I had already slept straight through the whole class the preceding Thursday.) I actually managed to get to bed around 3 on Thursday morning, but I somehow managed to get up at 7:30 to get to geochem. That class is seriously going to kill me.

I guess it's not so bad that I can't get to sleep tonight, since that probably means I'll end up being too tired the next day, so I WILL manage to get to sleep on Monday night (i.e.: tonight, but not meaning right now). I fail to see how anybody can actually learn stuff in an 8:30 class.

But I really hope that sleeplessness won't come later this week. La Locandiera, the play that I'm performing in, is on Friday night at Roble Black Box Theatre somewhere between 6 and 10 PM (we don't know yet). And we have rehearsals Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday night. So it would befit me to get as much sleep as possible in order to be better prepared for the play. I managed to get all my lines memorized today, so I'm not too worried -- but I just don't want to be a zombie when I perform.

I don't know what it is that makes me sleepless. For some reason I seem to just be worrying too much: about the play, about my two big papers that are due at the end of the quarter, about figuring out a way to complete my GERs by the time I graduate, about figuring out if I can actually go to Italy fall quarter of next year or if it imposes too many restrictions on my schedule, and about various other things. And then in the midst of worrying, I end up switching myself into depressed mode, and that's never conducive to sleep since I just think about those more emotional things. I think I just need someone who could just give me a back massage or something -- those always just make me want to melt into bed. But of course, there's no one around here that would probably be willing to do that for me.

What I really need is someone who can just make me completely forget about my worries whenever they're around, but that's fodder for another entry, and encroaches on the "depressed" tone rather than the "fucking sleepy" tone that I'd rather be projecting.

What doesn't make sense at all is that I've had more things to worry about before! Last quarter was arguably more hectic than this quarter, what with damned GES 80. So I don't know why I'm worrying about anything -- is it just because I'm going to be performing this week? I can't imagine why, because I've got my lines memorized and I've done public speaking before -- of course, the last time I did any speaking before people that weren't just from a class was my 8th grade graduation speech, but this kind of thing has never caused sleeplessness before (even when I hadn't prepared at all for my GES 4 class and I had to give a 20-or-so minute talk on a complicated topic). And I've definitely never lost any sleep over papers, unless I've actually been working on it (and I've obviously been putting that off).

I think what I probably should do is just start reading my geochem book at night... surely that will cause me to go out like a light. But I don't know if I want to get to sleep THAT badly..

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